Happy birthday to me!

Happy birthday to me!!

It’s my birthday today, and it comes with a great realisation.

That I can only give what I already have myself.

I’ve heard those words many times – but it’s taken a long long time to really understand that “when Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”.

I’m well known for saying “only wimps need a coach” at a time when I was, I now realise, physically and mentally depressed, and just starting on a journey which went downwards for a very long time before it started to slowly and painfully head back up again.

As I sit here this morning, giving myself a mental and physical hug, soaking up and absorbing the love and good wishes (physical and virtual) from family and friends I can at last understand the words from TUT sent to me by Alex this morning:

If you could see just how life was meant to be, you’d probably faint.
Because this would like exactly like they look today, and you’d find you are exactly where you’re supposed to be, in an adventure without end.

Certainty, perfectionism, control – all of these have driven me for years. And despite being “advised” to let them go, I didn’t.

And now I’m beginning to. And finding joy in the letting go.

Happy Birthday to me!

Love and hugs to me!

Grateful thanks for being here, for being alive, for experiencing life, for all that is to come.